A trip to the spa – a foolproof way to wind down and get in some much-needed rest and relaxation, right? Well, apparently not.
While on holiday in Germany, Anbara Salam and her boyfriend visited the spa. When they arrived they were told that the requirements for visiting the sauna was to remove all their clothing. So, after her treatment, she decided to do exactly that and join her boyfriend in the sauna. However, she chose the wrong door and accidentally ended up in the fire escape which, was now locked. With just a small towel, she began to panic.
“Fully crying, I run downstairs, trying to work out which part of me I should cover with the lil towel – my face? A single buttock?”
Eventually, after trying the other floors, she reached the ground floor and found an open door which led to “a terrifying machine room with massive fans & pumps & ‘electrocution’ symbols on everything”.
She said: “Friends, there’s nothing quite like running, naked & crying, around an industrial machine room. I spot a service lift. Out of sheer panic, I run into the lift, covering each boob in turn, mashing the buttons”.
Noticing a security camera, she is then “torn between ‘I don’t want anyone to see this’ and ‘I rlly rlly want someone to see this & rescue me’”.
Finally, a German man starts speaking on the loudspeaker, which, since she doesn’t speak German she assumes he’s saying: “the naked girl in the fire escape lift please stop mashing the buttons’”.
The lift opens to reveal “the most dressed man to ever be wearing clothes.”
She begins to follow him, but ultimately realises that there’s no way to subtly conquer the predicament. The only way to get back to the spa is to leave the building, walk down the street, around the corner and through the reception where a queue of people wait…
The natural progression leaves her crying on the pavement.
“I now have an out of body experience. A shame black out. I have reached my max. I go fully through embarrassment and out the other side. Time slows down. I can hear the music of the spheres”.
She then decides that the best option is just to take a deep breath, find a morsel of pride from somewhere and head down the street, ignoring the passerby’s stares. “I am transcendent with shame. Untouchable.”
When she reaches the reception it’s busy and she has no choice but to yell for the receptionists attention – and everyone else’s in turn. An elderly lady hands her a lobster-shaped pool float to cover her modesty.
She continued: “The receptionist asks me for ID. I am wearing only a lobster. Where, friends, where would I be keeping my ID? Receptionist sighs & lets me through the turnstile”.
Salam eventually finds her boyfriend who is sat in the cafe, unimpressed that she kept him waiting.